The Sweetest Thing
by EGB Fan
Summary: When Eduardo's nephew Kevin comes home after a long time away, he is followed by a young English woman who may or may not be making attempts on his family's life using fireworks. And in the meantime, like Dorothy, Eduardo has a witch mad at him...


**Disclaimer: **_Ghostbusters_ © Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Columbia Pictures. Characters from _Extreme Ghostbusters_ © Fil Barlow. The Spengler Twins, here mentioned but not named, are creations of Fritz Baugh. Charlene Zeddemore (named but not actually in it) was created by Fritz and developed by myself and Brian Reilly. All other original characters are creations of the author.

**A/N: **For fuller understanding of the subplot, ideally you will have read my story posted immediately prior to this one, "I'll Never Tell".

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**The Sweetest Thing**

**November 2007**

Kevin Rivera was back in his parents' house after over a year's worth of globetrotting, enjoying a warm welcome home from his mother, Beth, his uncle and aunt, Eduardo and Kylie, and their two little girls. His father was at work, and Kevin had mixed feelings about his impending arrival home. He would be glad to see him, but wasn't looking forward to the conversation about how he'd been stupid to keep travelling until he had absolutely no money left, and he'd have to get a job if he wanted to stay in the house.

"All right, Conchita," said Kevin, handing a small hinged box to the older of his two cousins. "You know how you're always saying you can never find anything with your name on it…"

Conchita had made that complaint a couple of times. Her sister, Rose, was the proud owner of any number of pencils and key rings and teddy bears and such with her name on them, and it had begun to grate a little.

"Oh, _wow_!" exclaimed Conchita, at the simple yet touching gift: an inexpensive necklace, about two thirds tiny chain links and one third _Conchita_ in chunky gold-embossed lettering. "Where did you _find_ it?"

"Spain," said Kevin.

"Oh."

"Now listen, Dad'll tell you never to wear that because somebody might see it and call you by name and then you'll let them abduct you." (Carl Rivera was a police officer, and full of sage advice about avoiding incidents such as rape, murder, fraud, theft and abduction.) "But you're not dumb enough to fall for that, are you?"

"Of course not," said Conchita. "Thank you," and she hugged him, not for the first time that afternoon.

"All right," said Kevin, "that's _almost_ all the presents - except I got you all a little something from the ninety-nine p. store in Kingston upon Thames," and he started rummaging around in an ugly yellow plastic bag.

"Where's Kingston upon Thames?" asked Conchita.

"England," said Kevin. "Where I've just come from."

From the yellow bag he produced in turn five mugs, each with either a small toy dog or cat sticking out of the top, and a picture of the breed upon which the toy was based printed on the mug itself. They all laughed, except for Rose, and said their thanks.

"Dad'll enjoy his when he gets home - I got him an Alsatian," said Kevin. "Not bad for someone with almost no money left, huh? Yeah, so anyway." He looked at Conchita. "When I was staying in England everyone told me I should check out Kingston upon Thames. Apparently it's England's largest shopping precinct outside of London - but you might as well go to London, really, because Kingston's _right_ next to it - so I went the day before yesterday and I ended up going to a fireworks display."

"Fireworks display?" It was Conchita again. She had been the one asking most of the questions. "But it's November."

"That's when the English have their fireworks," said Kevin.

"How come?"

"Bonfire Night, or Guy Fawkes Night - fifth of November, or in my case the Friday three nights before. This girl I went with told me the story behind it. It was when there was a new king in, I don't know, sixteen hundred and something - right after Elizabeth the First, she didn't have any kids so they got some distant cousin to do it - and some guys didn't like it because he wasn't Catholic, so they came up with this plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament with him and all his advisors and people in it. Guy Fawkes was supposed to ignite the explosives, only he got caught red-handed so the Houses of Parliament _weren__'__t_ blown up, and he was tortured until he confessed so they burnt him to death."

"Are the fireworks supposed to represent the explosion that never happened?" asked Kylie. She was well read, and knew the story of the plot against King James the Sixth of Scotland and the First of England slightly better than Kevin did, but she hadn't ever tried to find out very much about how the British commemorated the event. "Seems in pretty poor taste to me."

"Yeah, well," said Kevin. "I don't think anybody really thinks about it that much - it's just for fun, really. You have your fireworks display, and the kids all nearly burn each other's hands off fencing with their sparklers and stuff, and then the climax of the evening is to have a really big bonfire, and - talk about poor taste, Kylie - most people will have sewn together some old clothes and stuff to make a Guy, and then you throw all your Guys on the bonfire and watch them burn."

Kylie wrinkled her nose. "Nice."

"Apparently there are a lot of serious accidents every year, but you always get those with fireworks. Mostly, it's just fun. Laura told me that kids spend weeks putting their Guys together and trying to persuade their dads to give them their old shirts - they love it."

"Wasn't it cold?" asked Beth.

"Yes," said Kevin, shuddering slightly at the memory. "It didn't get as cold as it does here, but it _was_ prettycold to be standing around outside."

"They should have fireworks in July like us," said Conchita.

"I said something like that to Laura," said Kevin. "She said the trying to wrap up warm and getting cold anyway is part of the fun, and she _did_ make a pretty good point about not having to wait hours for it to get dark. The fireworks at this thing started at eight, but you can have your party at like six o'clock if you've got little kids."

"So come on," said Kylie. "Who _was_ this girl?"

"Oh, well." Kevin blushed slightly. "I only went because of her. It was sort of an accident, really. See, everyone's so full of how cool Kingston is, but no one mentions how hard it is to go to the bathroom there. No, really," as his audience started laughing. "You can't get into the station without a train ticket, but I'd gone by bus, and there's a McDonald's but I didn't go in because it was absolutely _packed_. There's a bus stop right outside it, and just when I got there this double-decker bus stopped and all these people starting pouring out of it and went into the McDonald's - so I kept walking, and I started getting away from the town centre, but I was behind all these kind of young people, there were loads of them just walking along, so I thought the road must lead somewhere, and I ended up at this university campus, and I thought, I can't go in there, I'm not a student - but I was pretty desperate, so I just followed a bunch of people down to this little side entrance, and I went in and there was a restroom _right there_, and no one challenged me or anything. So when I came out I was going to leave, but I noticed this girl in the corridor yelling into her cell phone, and she was getting pretty hysterical so I, I stayed."

"Pretty, was she?" Beth asked coyly.

Kevin nodded. "Very. So anyway, she screamed into the cell phone 'I hate you' and… well, stuff," - he cut a glance at Conchita and Rose - "and then she hung up and started crying, so I went and asked her if there was anything I could do."

"Oh, wait, I bet I know," said Kylie. "She'd been stood up for the fireworks display."

"That's right," said Kevin. "She was _really_ upset, even though it was a pretty stupid thing, really. She'd told her friends she couldn't go with them because she'd arranged to go with her boyfriend, and that was him on the phone saying he couldn't go."

"Why couldn't he go?" asked Conchita.

"A bunch of his friends persuaded him to go and eat kebabs with them instead."

"What a jerk," said Kylie. "That must have been really upsetting for her. I mean, you make a date, and then he decides he'd rather eat kebabs with his friends…"

"Which he can do _any_ night," added Beth.

"She was _distraught_," Kevin assured them. "So I offered to go to the thing with her and, and I did, and I asked her what the hell it was all about so she told me."

"I hope she was grateful," said Kylie.

Kevin laughed dryly. "Oh yes. Very."

He didn't expand on this ambiguous answer until he managed to catch the strangely quiet Eduardo on his own, and took the opportunity to say, "Hey, I know I said this over the phone, but I'm really sorry about what happened to Bess. She didn't deserve that."

"No," said Eduardo.

"How are you doing?"

"Me? _I__'__m_ all right." Actually he was racked with guilt about his ex-girlfriend's death, but he didn't want to go into that. "What about you? You liked her, didn't you?"

"Yeah," said Kevin. "But I hadn't seen her for such a long time."

"Well," said Eduardo, "you don't wanna talk about that. Tell me more about this firework girl. What was her name again?"

"Laura."

"You slept with her, didn't you?"

"Yes," said Kevin. "Don't look so pleased for me - it wasn't that great."

"Oh." Eduardo looked sympathetic. "Why not?"

"Well, we both knew she was only doing it to get back at her boyfriend. Afterwards she cried and said she wished she'd never laid eyes on me."

"Ouch."

"Yeah." Looking downcast, he added, "The sad thing is that I really liked her."

"It was one night - you'll get over it," Eduardo said bracingly. "Look, let's talk about something else. Did anyone tell you Tara Jackson had a baby last month?"

"Oh, yeah - Casey told me," said Kevin. "She had a little girl, right?"

"Yeah, that's right. Dawn. She's real cute. She's got her mother's temper, though."

"Yeah? I was _about_ to say I'd like to meet her."

"You wanna meet Roland's girlfriend too?" asked Eduardo.

Kevin raised his eyebrows. "Roland's got a girlfriend?"

"Casey didn't tell you that, huh? Yeah, Roland's got a girlfriend. She has a daughter who's about to turn eight, and her ex-husband's the guy who Garrett used to know that graffitied the synagogue about ten years ago - you remember I told you about the golem?"

"'Course," said Kevin. "Wow. I guess a lot's happened since I've been away."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A young man in his late teens walked into the firehouse, made his way past the Mustang, the Volkswagen Beetle and the ostentatious little silver thing, and approached the reception desk. A woman was sitting there writing, her face almost entirely concealed by a mass of unruly brown curls. The young man coughed politely, and the woman looked up, revealing herself to be not a woman but a girl. She seemed to notice his good looks, and then decided to ignore them as she said, "There's not really very much I can do for you. All of the Ghostbusters are out dealing with a ghost or something, but you can talk to the secretary when she gets back from dealing with her children."

"You don't work here?" asked the young man.

"No." She turned her attention back to whatever she was writing.

"How come you're sitting at the reception desk?"

"I'm doing my homework," the girl said impatiently.

"Ah. And do the Ghostbusters know about this?"

"Is that supposed to be a joke or something?" She kept her eyes on her homework. "If you _must_ know, one of them's my dad. I think it's very unprofessional the way they all keep bringing their children to work, but at least I'm old enough to look after myself. Janine, the secretary - she's up there with two eight year olds. If you've got eight year olds and you work Sundays, you leave them with your mom or something. Look." At last she lifted her face and looked at him. "Is it urgent?"

"Well, no, not especially."

"Good." Her eyes fell back to her homework. "They probably won't be gone for much longer. Why don't you read a magazine or something?"

"My name's Oz."

"Is it?"

"Yes," Oz said patiently. "What is _your_ name?"

"Jane Smith. Ah," as a bespectacled woman in her forties appeared on the stairs. "You have a customer, Janine. Oz, this is Janine Melnitz, the Ghostbusters' secretary."

"Janine Melnitz _Spengler_," the woman said irritably. "Client administrator."

"Like I said, she's the secretary."

"Jessica…"

"I believe in calling a spade a spade," said Jessica.

Oz raised his eyebrows. "Do you really, Jane?"

"Look," said Jessica. "I am _just_ trying to do my homework. The Ghostbusters' secretary will deal with you."

"What's wrong with client administrator?" asked Oz.

"Nothing," said Janine.

"It's completely retarded," said Jessica.

Janine turned to Oz. "What seems to be the problem, Mr…?"

"So is all this Melnitz Spengler bull," Jessica went on. "Calling yourself by your father's name _and_ your husband's name is completely self-defeating. Either you _mind_ being a tool of the patriarchy, or you don't."

It was fortunate, perhaps, that the Ecto-1 turned up at that point. From it emerged four Ghostbusters, two of whom Oz recognised from the news: the Doctors Egon Spengler and Peter Venkman. The other two - a very tall, youngish black guy and a white guy in a wheelchair - Oz had seen in the media at some point, but he couldn't put names to them. Venkman was holding something that Oz assumed to be a ghost trap, and carried it off without acknowledging anyone.

"We've got another case, guys," said Janine. "This is Oz…"

"Ignacio," Oz provided, ignoring the disdainful scoff from the reception desk. "There's a little bit of a problem in the graveyard I've just left. A couple of really amateurish witches have been playing around there, and there's ghosts just… everywhere."

"That doesn't sound good," Egon Spengler said. "Can you put an approximate number on it, Mr. Ignacio?"

"Well," said Oz, "it's hard to say. I would estimate about a dozen or so, but don't quote me on that."

"You said it wasn't urgent," Jessica said indignantly.

"Well," said Oz, "they're not doing any harm. They're just sort of… wandering around."

"It seems cruel to trap them," Jessica went on. "They were just hanging around minding their own business - why should they suffer for what some stupid wannabe witches did?"

"Are these people still there?" asked Egon.

"They were when I left," said Oz, as Peter Venkman was returning. "And Jessica, I agree with you entirely - but these women can't reverse whatever it is they did, and I really think we need to do _something_."

"What's all this 'we'?" the guy in the wheelchair said grandly. "You just stay right there, kid - we'll handle it."

"I'm afraid I won't be joining you, gentlemen," said Peter, who had now joined Jessica behind the reception desk. "I'm taking my daughter and my car home in a few minutes and then I've got a plane to catch."

"Have I got time to finish drawing these stupid river diagrams?" asked Jessica, as the other three Ghostbusters started piling back into their car.

"I don't know, honey - how long will it take?"

"Probably about twenty minutes."

"Yeah, sure, I can wait twenty minutes if it means you keep your mom happy by finishing your homework. What the -?" as a moderate explosion sounded somewhere above their heads. "Janine, your brats had better not have blown up anything important!"

Oz felt somewhat forgotten as the Ecto-1 drove away, Jessica carried on doing her geography homework and Peter and Janine both disappeared upstairs. With nothing better to do, he watched the movements of Jessica's number two pencil for a few moments, and then said, "Where's your dad going without you or your mom?"

"LA."

"Will you do your homework at home while he's away, or what?"

"I don't know," said Jessica. "_Apparently_ I concentrate better when I'm not at home."

"I can understand that," said Oz. "Too many distractions at home."

"Yeah, well, there's a TV and DVD here, and an internet connection, and a phone, and a sound system…"

"I'm sorry I mistook you for a lowly receptionist," said Oz.

Jessica looked up and scowled at him. "_What_?"

"I imagine it offended you."

"I'd very much prefer it if you didn't _imagine_ things about me."

"Well," Oz went on, "something tells me you don't aspire to be a secretary."

"I don't have anything against secretaries."

"What about client administrators?"

"What I have against _them_," said Jessica, "is their refusal to admit that they are secretaries. That woman answers the phone, takes down messages, types up reports or whatever and is subordinate to seven men and one woman. She even makes coffee - she's a goddamn secretary! And I told you, don't make stuff up about what I think - you don't know _what_ I aspire to be."

"You're right. Why don't you tell me?"

"Because it's none of your goddamn business. Why don't you leave me alone?"

"If you won't tell me about yourself," said Oz, "then I just can't _help_ imagining. I find you interesting."

Jessica started laughing. "Oh God - you _can__'__t_ be coming onto me."

"Why not?"

"Well, because… _why_?"

"Well," said Oz, "like I said, you're interesting."

"Hey." Jessica narrowed her eyes on him, and looked him over with an air of deep suspicion. "You're not a vampire or a cambion or something, are you?"

"Um." Oz blinked in surprise. "Not to my knowledge."

"Well." She looked back down at her river diagrams. "I'm still not interested."

"Oh come on, that's not fair. Why not?"

"Because believe it or not, pal, you're not that hot."

"Oh," said Oz, smiling slightly, "I do love a challenge."

"Arrogance is an ugly quality," Jessica said expressionlessly.

"Yeah, well… maybe I'll read a magazine after all."

"They're over there." She pointed.

"Thanks, toots."

"If you call me that again I'll be better acquainting you with Janine's staple gun."

"Duly noted, babe."

"Oh, for…" Jessica very pointedly slammed her book shut, gathered up her belongings and marched, chin high and shoulders back, up the stairs.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The scene was pretty much as Oz had described: a dozen or so semi-transparent people, each emitting a slight glow, were wandering vaguely up and down and across the lines of headstones. In the middle of them, both looking thoroughly annoyed more than anything else, were two women whom Garrett Miller and Roland Jackson recognised immediately.

"You never saw much of them, Egon, did you?" Roland said soberly. "That's Wanda and Celine."

"The Surnunos people," said Egon.

Roland nodded. "Exactly."

"All right, you two!" Garrett grabbed the wheels of his chair in his hands and began advancing upon the two women with a very severe expression. "What did you do?"

"Oh God, it's the _fucking_ Ghostbusters again!" yelled Wanda, a short-haired blonde with sharp features and a slight build. "Why don't you leave us _alone_?"

"Well," said Garrett, "because you've - "

"Created a small army of ghosts," Roland gently cut across Garrett's aggressive tones, walking towards the two women as one approaches a frightened and injured cat. "We're here to try to help you undo whatever it is you did."

"We don't _need_ your help," spat Wanda.

Garrett scoffed loudly, and received an elbow in the shoulder from Roland for his trouble.

"You have to tell us what you did," said Roland, getting ever closer to them, his eyes falling on the headstone at Wanda's side:

_Elizabeth Anne Napier_

_March 1979-September 2007_

_Remembered with love_

"Is that Bess?" Roland asked gently. He noticed a large hardback book lying open on the young woman's grave, at Celine and Wanda's feet, and knew he had to try and work towards getting a look at it.

"Don't you talk about her!" shrieked Wanda. "It's all your fault she's dead, you - "

"It's not _his_ fault, Wanda," Celine said, slightly irritably.

Wanda calmed down very suddenly, and gave a grudging grunt of agreement. Then she said acidly, "Where is he, anyway?"

"Who?" Roland asked naïvely.

"_Who_. That womanising bastard who killed my best friend, that's who!"

"Oh," said Roland, "you mean Eduardo. He's busy with family stuff."

"Family stuff!" Wanda cried madly. "_Family_ stuff!"

"Wanda!" hissed Celine. "Look, Roland… I'm sorry about all these ghosts. It was an accident… obviously. Wanda wanted to try… you know, _with Bess_, and I let her because I thought it probably wouldn't work. Nothing we do ever - "

"Shut the hell up, Celine," snapped Wanda.

"It was just some stupid spell." Celine stooped and picked up the large book, slightly struggling with the heavy object. "See, you're supposed to bring something that - "

"_He_ gave her this!" Wanda stooped down, and snatched up another item from the grave: an unfussy silver pendant, which she began to wave around hysterically. "It was a birthday present! He probably gave her this right before he knocked her up and then left her without so much as - "

"Wanda, _please_!" said Celine. "Look, it's a… personal thing. It never _occurred_ to me that it would wake up all of these ghosts."

"AND NOT HERS!" wailed Wanda. "Every ghost except hers - I mean, _Christ_!"

"Yes," Egon stepped in, sounding stern, "but it did. May I see that book, please?"

"Piss off," said Wanda.

"Wanda…" Celine held the book out of Wanda's reach as she made a grab for it, and handed it to Egon. "Look, I really am…" Then, seeing that Egon was absorbed in the book, she turned to Roland. "I really _am_ sorry. If I'd known…"

"I know you didn't mean to do this," said Roland, cutting a glance at all the very unhappy looking ghosts milling about. "But you really do need to - "

"Be careful, yeah, I know."

"You need to not _do_ stuff like this, Celine."

"You're not the boss of us," snapped Wanda.

"I think," said Egon, "all we have to do is destroy that pendant."

"_What_?" shrieked Wanda, and she hastily gathered up the chain, holding it protectively in two tight fists. "You can't _do_ that! This was - "

"A gift from Eduardo," Garrett reminded her. "Who you hate."

"Wanda," Celine said sternly. "Give them the goddamn pendant."

Wanda stood absolutely motionless for a moment and then, with a look like cyanide, held the pendant out to Egon. He took it, tossed it into the air and blasted it with a burst of proton fire as it fell down to earth. It melted… and the ghosts all just vanished.

"God, Jesus, _honestly_, men are such show-offs," Wanda said distastefully. "That was so _unnecessary_. You could have just put it on the ground."

"Hey." Roland took Celine's elbow, and led her slightly away from the rest of the group. "Do you think Wanda maybe needs some…"

"Some what?"

"Well… some help."

"I don't know if she'd respond to help," said Celine. "I'm doing my best for her."

"It's just that she seems a little… well…"

"I can handle it. And there'll be no more of this hocus-pocus stuff, I promise you that."

"Ok," said Roland. "Thanks. Look, we're all genuinely sorry about Bess. If there's ever anything I can do…"

"Celine!" barked Wanda.

"Thanks." Celine smiled, and touched Roland's arm. "We're ok. Really."

"CELINE!"

"All right, I'm coming!" Celine's almost perpetual scowl returned as she whipped round and went back to Wanda, who now had the book in her possession.

"Come on, we're leaving," said Wanda, beginning to walk away. "What the hell _was_ that, anyway?"

"He was just trying to help," said Celine.

"He's a _man_."

"So? Jesus, Wanda, you need to take a serious look at your attitude."

"_All_ men are - "

"No they're _not_! Seriously, girl, you have _got_ to stop talking like a freakin' madwoman or you are gonna wind up someplace you don't wanna be…"

"Nice of them to thank us," Egon said dryly, before heading back to the Ecto-1.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After Peter and Jessica had left, Oz got chatting to Janine.

"Interesting selection of magazines you've got here," he said, picking a page at random from the girly teen magazine he had selected from the pile. " '_Ten Top Tips for Snagging the Boy of your Dreams_'. Is this one of Jessica's cast-offs?"

"Jessica doesn't read stuff like that," said Janine. "It's probably Charlene's - she's _another_ one of my bosses' teenage daughters."

"Right," said Oz, making a mental note of both these pieces of information.

"I was just wondering," Janine went on, "who to charge for this job of yours. I mean, it's a public cemetery. We ought really to charge the people that started it, but if they refuse to pay…"

"Look, don't worry about that, you can charge _me_," said Oz.

Janine blinked. "Oh! But you're just an innocent bystander - that hardly seems fair."

"I don't mind, honestly. I mean, _I_ alerted you to the case, and somebody has to pay you."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Wanda," said Celine, throwing herself onto the sofa in their new landlord's living room. After Bess' death and Celine's return they had spent a couple of weeks in Wanda's apartment, but found that experimenting with magic didn't generally go down well if you had too many close neighbours. "You have _got_ to stop being paranoid about that guy. Honestly, I can't even remember his name."

"It's Roland," Wanda said acidly.

"Look," said Celine, "I don't hate _all_ men the way you do, but that doesn't mean I want to sleep with any of them. Don't you remember what you and I did last night?"

"Yeah," Wanda said slowly. "It's just… it was so unexpected, I can't help worrying that you're still a bit…"

"What? _Confused_?" Celine said scathingly.

"Well… yes. I mean, you really _did_ seem to be into that football player."

"That was ten years ago. And I wasn't so into him that I wasn't prepared to help Bess try to get him into her pants, was I? I know how I feel, Wanda."

Wanda sighed heavily. "Of course you do. Sorry," and she sat down next to Celine. They were about to kiss, when the door opened and their landlord walked in.

"You owe me fifty dollars," he said.

"_What_?" said Wanda. "What for?"

"For the Ghostbusters."

"No freakin' way, man," said Celine. "_You_ went and got them."

"Well," said Oz, "you were clearly struggling. What would you have done if I hadn't?"

"All they did was melt the stupid pendant," said Celine. "Are you _really_ telling us that you couldn't have figured that out?"

"Well of course I could," said Oz, "but I don't see why I should. If you two are serious about this, you are at _least_ going to have to learn some basic Latin. I'm just renting you a room - I can't be expected to bail you out of trouble the whole time."

"But why the _Ghost_busters?" Wanda said distastefully.

"It seemed a good opportunity to meet them," said Oz. "They might be interesting people to know. And besides, I was curious. Your guy wasn't there, though."

"He had 'family business'," said Wanda.

Oz, booting up his computer and settling down in front of it, said, "Do you know the Venkman girl?"

"I didn't know there was one," said Wanda.

"You guys are feminists, aren't you?" Oz went on chattily. "What kind of flowers do feminists like?"

"Wanda's not a feminist," said Celine. "The fundamental belief of feminism is equality. Wanda believes that all men should be eradicated."

"So she's a female chauvinist," Oz surmised. He connected to Google, and began to search for a good florist in the area. "What about you, Celine?"

"I'm not into flowers."

"Oh well." He clicked on a link, and began browsing through pictures of the kinds of flower arrangements he might like to purchase for his wedding, funeral or "just for someone special". "God, these florists really need to get themselves lives - what a way to earn a living. It'd be a bit full on to find out where she lives, wouldn't it?"

They didn't answer.

"You guys seem pretty crabby," Oz said cheerfully. "Was I interrupting something?"

"Yes," said Wanda.

"Well." He closed the window on the screen, and told the computer to shut down. "I won't bother reminding you whose living room this is, or that you have a very nice bedroom upstairs, because I'm going out to buy some flowers. I'll see you later."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

On Monday morning, Garrett and his wife Jo met Eduardo and Kylie on the school run; their son Max attended the same preschool class as Rose. After they had dropped off the kids, Jo, being the only one of them with a car, drove the three Ghostbusters to the firehouse, which was empty apart from Slimer.

"Cool, I've never been the first to arrive before," said Garrett, as Eduardo attempted to stave off Slimer's affections.

"Me neither," said Jo, "and I won't be today either. I've gotta go to work." She stooped and kissed Garrett, and then waved vaguely as she started back to her car. "See ya, guys."

However Jo hadn't time to get into the car before she was met by a nondescript man carrying the most extravagant bunch of mixed flowers she had ever seen in her entire life.

"Delivery for Miss J. Venkman," said the man.

"Oh, thank you very much," said Jo, taking the flowers from him. "Hey." She turned and advanced further into the building. "Does somebody wanna get some water for these?"

"You're not Miss J. Venkman," Garrett said accusingly, as Kylie wandered off to look for a (very large) vase.

Jo shrugged. "_He_ doesn't care whether I am or I'm not."

"What are you doing?" asked Eduardo, as Jo started rummaging among the petals.

"I'm looking for a card."

"Are you gonna read it?" asked Garrett, sounding faintly shocked.

"'Course I'm gonna read it."

By the time Kylie had returned with the largest vessel full of water that she could carry, Jo had dissolved into fits of laughter.

"What's up with her?" asked Kylie.

"Not sure," said Garrett, taking the bunch of flowers from Jo's limp arms. "She read the card. Let's see… ah, here it is. '_Jessica: I couldn__'__t decide which flower you most__…_' - he stopped reading for a moment, and smirked - '_resembled, so I decided to get one of everything. Please pick out your favourite and wait for me at the firehouse at six o__'__clock this evening. Until then - Oz._'"

"Oh my God," Kylie said distastefully. "She is going to _hate_ that."

Jo stopped laughing just long enough to exclaim, "I know!"

"Oz is that guy from yesterday," said Garrett. "He looked a little too old for her, if you ask me. Oh," as his cell phone started ringing. He whipped it out, flipped it open, put it to his ear and said, "Hello? …_What_? …Er, yeah, sure, we'll be right there. Look, don't bother calling the Riveras - they're here with me… Yeah, thanks. Bye. Ok." He hung up and looked from Jo, who had stopped laughing on hearing his tone of voice, to Eduardo and Kylie. "Don't anybody panic, because they're all fine, nobody's hurt."

"But…?" prompted Kylie.

"There's been a fire at the school."

"_What_?" the three of them all exclaimed.

"But we just _left_ the school!" said Jo.

"Is it really so serious they have to call us?" asked Kylie, sounding extremely concerned in spite of having been told with such certainty that her children were unharmed.

"They want us to go and pick them up," said Garrett.

"But there hasn't been time…" Eduardo began feebly.

"Yeah, well, we'll find out everything when we get there." Jo was already climbing into her car. "Come on, people, let's _go_!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Carl was just about to leave for work when the knock came at the door. He muttered irritably to himself, all ready to tell some door-to-door salesman that he didn't need a new vacuum cleaner thank you very much; but he was rendered speechless when he found himself looking not only at Eduardo and Kylie and their two daughters, but also at Garrett and Jo Miller and their three-year-old son.

"Hi," Jo said brightly. "Is Beth in?"

"Why aren't they at school?" Carl said shortly.

"Oh, hello," Beth said, smiling pleasantly as she appeared at her husband's side. "This is a nice surprise. Come in."

They all trailed into the house, and Carl asked again, "Why aren't they at school?"

"The school burnt down," said Conchita.

"_What_?" Carl and Beth baulked.

"Well it didn't exactly burn _down_, sweetie, did it?" said Kylie.

"Well, almost," said Conchita, straining her neck to look at Carl, as he was the one who had asked the question. "The outside of the gym is all black. The fifth and sixth grade classrooms are no good - _everything_ got burnt. And all the little plastic chairs in Max and Rose's classroom have melted."

"Did everybody get out ok?" Beth asked anxiously.

"Some of the kids inhaled a little bit of smoke, but that was the worst of it," said Kylie. "They hadn't actually been taken in yet when the fire started."

"If they had, it would have been a hell of a lot worse," added Jo.

"It's only nine thirty," said Carl. "How could this all have happened so soon?"

"Fires spread fast," Garrett said simply.

"It was really weird," said Conchita. "We were lining up to go inside, and then this, this _fire_ just popped up inside all the windows."

"Oh honey, that can't be right," Carl said, only a little patronisingly.

"It is," said Rose.

"We're going to check it out," said Kylie, "just in case. So, Beth - would you mind taking the girls a few hours early today?"

"Oh, of course I will - it's my pleasure," said Beth.

"I don't suppose you'd take Max as well?" Jo asked sheepishly.

"I don't mind taking Max."

Jo looked immensely relieved. "Oh, thank you, you're a life saver!"

"What about tomorrow?" asked Carl.

"They're going back to school tomorrow," said Kylie. "They've still got some classrooms left, and they're organising some mobile units, and there was talk of putting a class in the cafeteria."

"Good," grunted Carl. "Now I have to go - I'm late for work. Beth, when that son of yours drags his a- his butt out of bed - "

"Oh Carl, give him a break - he only got back yesterday," said Beth. "I'll talk to him later about what he wants to do next, ok?"

Carl made a non-committal noise, kissed Beth on the cheek and left. Jo had begun moving around impatiently, eager to get to work herself, but Beth wasn't going to let them go just yet.

"He's furious with Kevin," she said, as the three kids made their way into the living room and started emptying the emergency toy box Beth kept for just such an occasion. "You'll never guess who he's got upstairs."

"Who?" asked Eduardo.

"Laura."

"What? Not the fireworks girl," said Kylie.

Beth nodded. "She just showed up last night - God knows how she got our address - and started saying all this stuff to Kevin about how she couldn't leave things the way they were, or something. And then he took her out, and they came back at about three o'clock in the morning, according to Carl - I managed to sleep through it. He was all for just bursting in on them this morning, but I talked him out of it."

"Who's Laura?" asked Garrett.

"Some girl Kevin spent the night with before he came home," said Kylie, still looking at Beth. "Beth, that's insane. Why isn't she still in Kingston upon Thames?"

"I honestly don't know," said Beth, "but if I can find out anything else I'll tell you when you come to collect the girls."

"Beth listen I really appreciate you taking Max now we have to be going," Jo said hurriedly. "Don't we, guys?"

"Er, yeah," said Kylie, tilting her body to look through the living room doorway. "Kids, we're leaving now. Bye."

They all made a vague noise to indicate that they were aware someone had spoken.

"We love you too," Kylie said dryly. "Beth, thank you so much - oh, hi, Kevin. Bye."

Kevin, tousle-haired and dressed only in a t-shirt and boxer shorts, hadn't time to respond before Kylie, Eduardo, Garrett and Jo all piled out of the front door.

"Mom, do we have any tea?" he asked sleepily.

"I think so," said Beth. "Laura likes tea in the mornings, does she?"

"Er, yeah."

"Go and say hello to Max and the girls first."

Faintly surprised by this order, Kevin staggered into the living room where he found Conchita, Rose and Max all pulling the clothes off a collection of second-hand Barbie dolls. Beth kept so many of the things that she could probably set up her own Barbie museum if she wanted to. People always gave her their Barbie cast-offs, knowing that she had young nieces. Jessica Venkman had handed over her collection to Kylie, who had later passed it on to Beth, at the earliest opportunity. Jessica had been only nine, and Conchita just a baby. Kylie never forgot the look of disgust on the little girl's face as she handed over the box of dolls and said, "People keep _giving_ them to me."

Kevin knew that Conchita and Rose at least were getting ready for a game titled "Naked Wizard of Oz" (Max's brain was, at that point, much too disorganised to grasp the concept of linear storytelling). The game was an invention of Conchita's, and simply involved undressing all of the dolls and using them to act out _The Wizard of Oz_. Barbie's sister Skipper always played the Wicked Witch of the West, as she used to belong to Jessica and had become severely disfigured in the three years that they had been together.

"Hello," said Kevin. "What are you guys doing here?"

"The school burnt down," said Conchita.

"Oh, you are _so_ lucky!" said Kevin, in the tones of someone who had _not_ just spent the night making love to an unexpected visitor. "I _always_ hoped my school would burn down and it _never_ did."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Garrett had another call to his cell phone as Jo was driving them back to the firehouse, this time from Janine wanting to know where the hell everybody was. Garrett explained about the fire, and told her that they had decided to check out the school "just in case". When they arrived at the firehouse they found Roland ready and waiting by the Ecto-1.

"I bet it's nothing," he said, when he was driving them all to the school. "Personally, I think we should be a little bit more worried about Celine and Wanda."

Eduardo's ears pricked up at the names. "Celine and Wanda?"

"Er, yeah," said Roland. "They were, um…"

"They were in the cemetery trying to resurrect Bess," said Garrett.

There was a brief silence.

"Listen," said Kylie. "It isn't _just_ the girls who claim that the school suddenly went up in flames for no reason - it's the staff as well."

"It's November fifth," Eduardo announced suddenly.

Garrett wrinkled his nose. "Is it?" He didn't much bother keeping track of the date.

"Kevin's Bonfire Night thing," Eduardo elaborated, looking at Kylie.

"Oh yeah," said Kylie.

"And Laura showed up last night."

"And…?"

"It's a coincidence."

"It's a coincidence all right," Kylie agreed. "She couldn't have had anything to do with it, though. She was with Kevin until after we left the house at twenty-five to ten."

Eduardo shrugged. "He's a heavy sleeper."

"Well," said Roland, who had absolutely no idea who Laura was, "let's just wait and see if there _is_ anything paranormal involved before we start, er…"

"Fabricating connections between this and Kevin's girlfriend," Garrett finished for him, just as they pulled up outside the school, where there was already a team of labourers erecting mobile classrooms and working to restore the supposedly permanent ones back to their former glory. "I'm getting residual PKE traces here."

"There, you see - Chita wasn't exaggerating," Kylie said indignantly.

They climbed out of the car and started by approaching the only builder whose hard hat was blue rather than yellow, indicating to all of them that he was the man in charge.

"You weren't here, I suppose, when the blaze started," Roland said. "Is there anybody around who was?"

"'Course," said the builder. "The principal's here, and a couple of teachers. Shall I show you where the principal's office is?"

"Oh, no thank you," said Kylie. "We know where it is."

She and Eduardo had never had to go to the principal's office about Conchita, but Mr. Boxer had expressed "concern" about Rose a couple of times, and Garrett had had to attend a few meetings with him about Max ("We feel that he doesn't quite… _understand_ about being in a school environment").

Mr. Boxer was always the epitome of diplomacy when talking to parents, so there was some degree of surprise when the four Ghostbusters found him yelling down the phone: "This is completely ridiculous! You people will come up with any excuse not to pay out! You sold us _fire insurance_! We had a _fire_, for fuck's sake! Oh!" It was the perfect moment for him to catch sight of his visitors. "Um… I'll call you back." He hung up. "Good morning, Mr. Miller; Mr. and Mrs. Rivera; and, um…"

Kylie didn't say anything. Her name was not Mrs. Rivera, but she had long ago given up caring that the people who ran her daughters' school thought it was. In spite of what Jessica Venkman might think, it was harmless, and probably made their lives easier.

"Were you able to make arrangements for your children?" Mr. Boxer asked, ignoring all the equipment and uniform and such. "I really am terribly sorry about - "

"Don't be sorry," Kylie interrupted. "_You_ didn't start the fire, did you?"

"Well," said Mr. Boxer. "No."

"Do you have any idea how it _did_ start?" Kylie persisted. "I mean, you must have had it checked out if you called the insurance company already."

"Yes," said Mr. Boxer. "Really, Mrs. Rivera, I don't know how it could have happened. I want you to know that we take every precaution against this kind of thing, and in the future we'll be tightening - "

"Sorry," Garrett interrupted, "but _what_ happened, exactly?"

"Well," Mr. Boxer said sheepishly, "there were actually three separate fires - one in the gymnasium, one in a sixth grade classroom and one in the, the, um, the - " the end of the sentence was mumbled inaudibly.

"The what?" said Eduardo.

"The, um, the preschool class."

Kylie sucked in her breath.

"Right," said Garrett.

"And," Mr. Boxer went on, his face reddening, "on all three sites we found a, um, a used Roman candle."

"_What_?" cried Garrett. "Well no wonder the insurance company won't pay out! This is an _elementary_ _school_, for crying out loud! If you're sloppy enough to allow _three_ fireworks - three _lit_ fireworks - into the classrooms…"

Kylie tuned him out, and muttered to Eduardo, "I guess it can't hurt to talk to Laura."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Daddy!" Conchita was pleasantly surprised when she opened the front door to her father. "Would you like a cookie?"

"I would love a cookie," said Eduardo, as he followed her through to the kitchen. He had noticed that Conchita was absolutely covered in flour. Baking cookies was something that she and Beth did a lot of. Kylie didn't entirely approve, both because she didn't really want her daughter learning the trade of a housewife, and because she knew she herself couldn't create a cookie as good as Beth's. This made absolutely no sense to Eduardo; it seemed to betray some kind of double standard, but Kylie refused to explain.

"Where's your sister?" he asked Conchita.

"She's painting with Max."

Eduardo couldn't help wincing slightly. Rose liked nothing more than to express herself with whatever art materials she had to hand, but Max expressing himself with acrylic paint just couldn't be good. Eduardo could only hope that Beth had totally covered all of the walls, floor and furniture in the dining room with newspaper.

"Hello again," said Beth, appearing in the kitchen with a streak of red paint across her chin. "How's the cookie?"

"Heavenly," said Eduardo.

"Your daughter is a regular little culinary guru," said Beth, smiling at Conchita. "She did most of the work. What are you doing here? Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," said Eduardo, wondering how to explain himself. "I just wanted to check on them - you know, with the fire and everything."

"We're fine," said Conchita.

"Good," said Eduardo. "So have you met this Laura person yet?"

"We saw her just before we put the cookies in the oven," said Conchita. "But now her and Kevin are… you know… _upstairs_," and she gave her father a knowing look that quite shocked him.

Eduardo had to wait until Laura was no longer _upstairs_, and had a good excuse to stick around when Rose appeared with a painting she wanted to show him. It showed a human figure with a lot of blond hair, enormous breasts and some kind of muck-coloured substance oozing from her limbs.

"It's Laura," said Rose.

"It's awesome as usual, Rosie, but maybe let's don't show Kevin," said Eduardo. "Don't you like Laura?"

"No."

This actually said very little about Laura's character. There were very few people Rose _did_ like, and she had never liked a single person on their first meeting - except possibly for her mother. Even as a baby she'd taken some time getting used to her father and sister.

"What do _you_ think about her, Chita?" asked Eduardo.

"Well," said Conchita, "she's nice, but I don't think she knows how to talk to kids."

Laura appeared five minutes later. Her hair was pretty close in colour to the shade of yellow Rose had chosen to paint it, but she was not quite so disproportionate as the picture showed her to be. Eduardo had half expected her to saunter down in an old jacket of Kevin's or something, but she was fully clothed in jeans and a sweater.

"Oh, hello," she said, pleasantly enough, speaking of course with a southern English accent. "Who's this then, girls? Is it your daddy?"

Conchita shot Eduardo a what-did-I-tell-you look, and then said, "Yes."

Laura introduced herself, and Eduardo managed to engage her in conversation. She seemed like a nice, perfectly normal girl. He rather wanted to shove a PKE meter in her face, but decided not to. He asked her questions about her studies, wondering how to get onto the subject of fireworks. Then they got onto talking about Kevin, and Eduardo simply said, "So did you enjoy the fireworks?" (He realised as he said it that Laura might read a slight _double entendre _into that, but she didn't seem to.)

"Yes," said Laura. "It was the first one I've been to that wasn't in our back garden at home - the bonfire was _huge_."

"Couldn't be as big as the one at the school this morning," Eduardo said dryly.

"Oh, yeah - that _was_ unlucky," said Laura.

"You know what's _really_ weird? After the fire was put out, they found _three_ Roman candles on the premises."

Laura raised her eyebrows. "Really - three? Wow. One would be weird enough, wouldn't it? Especially with it being the morning before Bonfire Night."

"Sort of like what your Guy Fawkes tried to do at the Houses of Parliament, really."

Laura nodded, and said only, "Mmmm."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I don't know," Eduardo later reported to Roland, Kylie and Egon. "She didn't seem very surprised when I mentioned the Roman candles, but that doesn't prove anything. She seems… normal. But I guess I don't know what she's normally like - she could have been possessed or something for all I know."

"Didn't you ask Kevin what he thought?" asked Egon.

"No, I didn't ask Kevin if he thought his girlfriend might be possessed," said Eduardo. "I don't know - maybe I can figure out some way to bring it up when me and Ky go back there later. Oh, there you are," as Garrett wheeled is way into the room.

"I've been calling Jess on her cell phone," said Garrett. "She'll want to collect her flowers, won't she?"

"No she won't," said Kylie, beginning to make her way down to the foyer. There was suddenly an air of morbid fascination about the place - they _had_ to witness this.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I don't know what to say," Jessica said expressionlessly, staring at the card.

"So come on - which one's your favourite?" Garrett asked eagerly.

"I kinda like carnations," said Jessica, "but I'm not telling _him_ that. Does someone wanna… take these or something?"

"You're not going to keep them?" asked Roland.

"No way. Are you seeing Grace tonight? You can give them to her."

"Oh, no - I don't want to give her second-hand flowers, that's really cheap."

"Hmm… maybe I'll give them to your sister as a congratulations-on-having-a-baby present. I'd like to meet your niece, Roland."

"I'll mention it to Tara."

"Actually," said Kylie, "could I take them? I feel like I should give Beth something for all that extra childminding she did today."

"Say they're from me too," said Garrett.

"So, Jessica," said Janine. She and Slimer had been watching silently from the reception desk (the only one absent was Egon; he was upstairs entertaining his children, whom he had just collected from school). "Are you going to stick around for him?"

"Um…"

"He's too old for you," said Roland.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to let anything happen," said Jessica. "I _could_ go home and show my contempt that way… but I think if I did I'd regret not staying to tell him to take a reality check. I mean, God, this is _so_ insulting!"

"Why?" Eduardo asked innocently.

"It's degrading to be compared to a flower."

"Is it?"

"How would _you_ like it?"

"It was a nice thought," said Kylie.

Jessica looked at her. "Do you want to take them now, please?"

"We're not leaving just yet," said Kylie. "Just leave them there and we'll take them when we go."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Oz found Jessica in Janine's chair again, leaning back with her feet on the desk.

"Wow," said Jessica. "You walked in on the _dot_ of six."

Oz grinned at her. "Were you hoping to chastise me for being late?"

"I've given away the flowers."

"But they're there," said Oz, tilting his head towards them.

"The people I gave them to are still here," said Jessica. "And _I__'__m_ only here to tell you to back off. I'm not interested."

"Which is your favourite flower?"

"I'm not telling you."

"This doesn't seem very fair," said Oz. "What's so wrong with me?"

"I told you yesterday," said Jessica. "You're annoying and arrogant."

"I'll be less arrogant."

"If you're prepared to change for a woman then you have no self-respect. I have no time for people without self-respect."

"So basically," said Oz, "I can't win."

"Oz, how old do you think I am?"

"Oh, God, that's a horrible question. I wouldn't want to inadvertently insult you."

"Tell me."

"No. Ah," as Eduardo wandered in and headed for the vase of flowers. "Is this the person you passed the flowers on to?"

"I appreciate them, Oz," said Eduardo. "Y'know, she's not interested and she's too young - I'd give up if I were you."

"Who are you giving the flowers to?"

"My sister-in-law."

"Does your wife or brother know?"

"It was my wife's idea to give them to her," said Eduardo. "She looked after our kids today. And at least once or twice every week since they were born, actually."

"You've got kids?" He said it with more surprise than Eduardo would have expected from a complete stranger. Actually, he said it with more surprise than Eduardo had expected from Laura when he mentioned the Roman candles.

"Yes."

"How many?"

"Two."

"How old?"

"Six and three. Why are you so interested?"

"I like kids," said Oz. "Are they boys or girls or both?"

"Girls," said Eduardo, unable to keep the note of suspicion from his tone.

"Yeah?" said Oz, cutting a glance at Jessica. "They'll be missing you. Ghostbusters beget Daddy's girls, if this one's anything to go by."

"Hey!" said Jessica.

"I know what it is," said Oz. "You're one of those women who think no guy can live up to her father."

"I am not!"

"I'd love to believe you. Maybe if you agreed to come on a date with me…"

"Piss off," said Jessica.

"Look," said Eduardo, "you're gonna have to leave, because we're locking up now and we promised Jessica's mom we'd put her in a cab home."

"It's good that you've got so many people looking out for you, Jessica," said Oz. "I'll see you, then. Bye… sorry, what's your name?"

"Eduardo."

"I hope your sister-in-law enjoys the flowers."

Kylie appeared just in time to catch a glimpse of him disappearing from view in the street outside, and said, "Oh, did I miss your boyfriend, Jess?"

"He is _not_ my boyfriend," Jessica said acidly.

"He obviously wants to be," said Eduardo.

"I know," said Jessica. "I don't get it. Why would he be interested in _me_?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Kylie said at once.

"Because he's hot and I'm not even pretty."

"If you think he's hot…" Eduardo began.

"Oh, look," said Jessica, "I am _not_ that shallow. He may have a nice face, but he has an ugly personality. And besides, he called me a Daddy's girl."

Kylie raised her eyebrows. "Daddy's girl? _You_?"

Jessica lifted her chin and said, with great dignity, "That is not the point."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland _was_ seeing Grace that night. He gave her a newly purchased, not so extravagant bunch of flowers and took her to dinner. She asked after Dawn, as she had done every time she'd seen Roland in the three weeks since Tara gave birth to her daughter. He could only say that she was healthy, putting on weight fast and still extremely vocal.

"Did you know Stephanie's pregnant now?" asked Grace.

Roland blinked. "Who?"

"Spence."

"Oh, _Spence_ is pregnant - you should have just said."

Grace smiled.

"How would I know that?" asked Roland.

"Well," said Grace, "Garrett might have told you."

"Oh yeah. That must be weird for Natalie, after being an only child for all this time."

"She'll be all right, once she's used to the idea. Do you think Tara might let her practise on Dawn?"

"Practise what?" Roland said guardedly.

"Well," said Grace, "not being the centre of attention."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure she would. I'm looking after Dawn a lot of the time anyway - Tara would never even know if I brought her to you guys for an hour one weekend."

"Cool."

"Grace, what should I get Natalie for her birthday?"

"Um… I don't know. What did you give your sisters when _they _turned eight?"

"I can't remember."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much just yet - you've got over a month."

Natalie had recently taken to spending Monday nights with her dad and (the now pregnant) Stephanie. Spencer had always picked her up from school on Mondays, but previously she had gone to Grace in the evenings. But, since Roland had come into Grace's life, it had been agreed by everyone involved that she should have a night when she could get home as late as she wanted while Natalie spent more time with her father.

A lot of women in such a position would have invited her boyfriend in, given him a cup of coffee and then made uninhibited love to him. Not so Grace. Every Monday night Roland went in for coffee, and then had to leave after kissing her in the doorway. In principle, he didn't mind this at all. He actually very much approved of Grace's morals, in theory. Sex was very much a two-sided coin, and _could_ get people into trouble. His own sister was currently refusing her father access to his only grandchild, due mainly to a rift that had started with her being unsure of the child's paternity. The world they lived in, Roland thought, had too much sexual freedom. If everybody was like Tara and nobody was like Grace, everything would be in utter turmoil.

But, in practical terms, it _was_ frustrating. Roland had thought he'd be able to handle it without any trouble at all; he had gone without for several years, and hardly even noticed. But it was different, he now knew, when there was actually somebody there in your life that you really wanted. At times it was almost tempting to ask her to marry him - the very next day if possible - but in the cold light of day, and always at the back of his mind, he knew it was _much_ too soon for that.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo was sitting on edge of the bed, looking very down. Kylie pulled herself onto the mattress behind him, put her hands on his shoulders and asked, "Are you ok, babe?"

"I lost an earring," Eduardo said dully.

"Oh!" She hadn't expected that.

"Somewhere between here and Carl's place and the firehouse. Maybe it'll show up."

"Is… that all that's bothering you?" Kylie asked tentatively.

Eduardo laughed, just slightly. "I was thinking about what Roland told us about Celine and Wanda."

"Oh."

"They must really be taking her death badly. They're both just so… _angry_ - Bess dying must have been like, like taking the surge inhibitor out of a proton gun or something. She had this way of just… calming everybody down. She could even do it to Carlos."

Kylie didn't say anything. She didn't believe Eduardo was still in love with Bess, or anything like that, but he spoke about her so much more tenderly now than ever before.

Probably unnerved by her silence, he reached up and took her hand. "You do know she doesn't even compare to you, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know," said Kylie. "I'm the one you love."

"That's right."

She wrapped her arms around him and slid onto his lap, and they started to kiss. It wasn't the kind of deeply passionate kiss that would inevitably lead on to even more passionate lovemaking, and Kylie got the feeling that Eduardo would want to go straight to sleep afterwards, unless she decided to take it further. But then suddenly he pulled back, and said, "We're smoking."

Kylie stared at him. "What?"

"Ky, get off me - the bed's smoking."

She looked, and saw that he was right: smoke was billowing out from underneath the mattress. Wasting no more time, Kylie jumped off the bed and ran to the doorway, with Eduardo right behind her. They were outside the door when the explosion happened, and it wasn't just any explosion: red, green and blue sparks flew off the bed, some of them popping in the air while others landed on the floor or some item of furniture and - thankfully - just fizzled out.

Not counting Eduardo and Kylie's nerves, the only real damage was to the bed, whose sheets were now slowly blackening under a few very small fires. It wasn't anything too serious yet, and Kylie estimated that she had time to leave the apartment and fetch the fire extinguisher out in the hall before the flames spread very much further.

She was just putting out the fire when Conchita and Rose appeared, both bleary-eyed and staggering, and the former asked sleepily, "What's going on?"

"Just, a, um, nothing to worry about, honey," Eduardo said, in something of a daze.

"It sounded like a firework," said Conchita.

Eduardo laughed mirthlessly. "It did, didn't it!"

"Somebody is trying to kill us with fireworks!" Kylie said incredulously.

"What? Why?" asked Eduardo. "Anyway, how could somebody get in?"

"Fire escape."

"Who would climb up the fire escape to put a firework in our bed?"

"Well _somebody_ must have!" cried Kylie. "_I _didn't put a firework in our bed! Did _you_ put a firework in our bed?"

"Well," said Eduardo. "No."

"And I don't think Pagan did it, or either of these two. Oh, Christ. Girls, just stay right there - I'm going to check the apartment for fireworks."

She did just that, starting with her daughters' bunk beds and then the rest of their bedroom. Finding the room firework-free, she told Eduardo to put them back to bed while she searched the rest of the apartment. There were no more fireworks.

"There aren't any more," she said, when she and Eduardo met back in their bedroom.

"Ky," said Eduardo. "I don't get it. I was sitting here the whole time you were in the bathroom. That was, like, five minutes - and we were both in here for at least ten minutes before that, weren't we? The firework can't have been lit then."

"I know," said Kylie. "Maybe we, I don't know, knocked it or something."

"We hardly moved."

"Well, we did a bit - but yeah, I know, it's crazy. But let's not forget what happened at the school this morning. There is _definitely_ something paranormal about this."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Wanda staggered downstairs in the middle of the night, having woken with a slight thirst only to find that she had already emptied the glass of water on her dresser. As she passed the living room doorway, she caught sight of Oz silhouetted in the dim light from the street outside. He was sitting on the sofa, turning something between his forefinger and thumb: a small object that glinted slightly whenever it caught the feeble light. Something compelled to Wanda to squint at the object and try to make out what it was. It was not difficult to see that it was a ring, but it was not a perfect circle; there was a spot where it broke, and tapered to a point.

"That's _his_, isn't it!" Wanda exclaimed suddenly.

Oz looked up in extreme surprise, having been in something of a trance, and stowed the gold earring in his jean pocket as Wanda advanced towards him.

"Give it to me!" she yelled.

"I take it you know he has kids," said Oz.

"_What_?" cried Wanda. "Oh, for… Since when are _you_ Mr. Compassionate, huh?"

"Little girls. Six and three."

"We're not going to do anything to _them_."

"This is worth a lot to you, isn't it? Do you really think you can do something with it?"

"I _know_ we can."

"I don't pretend to you that I'm a nice person, Wanda, but even _I_ wouldn't want to make a little girl cry, never mind two."

"They're kids," said Wanda. "They'll get over it."

"Well," said Oz, "I think I'll hold onto it for now. If it's really so valuable to you and your lover, then I guess it's up to the two of you to change my mind."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"All right," said Kylie, once everybody's children had been deposited at school and the four younger Ghostbusters, Egon and Janine were all gathered together at the firehouse. "So when Eduardo and I were about to go to bed last night - "

"Do we wanna hear this?" asked Garrett.

"A firework went off under the mattress. It's here," she added, pulling the used firework out of her shoulder bag.

"_What_?" cried Roland. "That's crazy!"

"At least one of us was in the room for a good fifteen minutes before it went off," said Kylie. "It's crazy all right."

"I can't believe," Janine said, "that this Laura person doesn't have anything to do with it." (They had all been briefed about Laura and the circumstances under which she and Kevin had met.) "I mean, who would abandon their studies in the middle of the semester and leave the country for somebody they only knew for one night?"

"So _you_ guys are being targeted," said Roland, looking at Eduardo and Kylie. "Your kids' school and then your bed - it's just… _you_."

"Who else do you want to see get attacked, Roland?" Kylie asked interestedly.

"Well, I thought maybe Kevin," said Roland. "I mean, why would whatever it is have anything against _you_? I mean, this girl… she doesn't even really _know_ you."

"Hmm… maybe Kevin and Beth are targets too," said Kylie.

"Why not Carl?" asked Egon.

"Perhaps he is," said Kylie. "But I'm thinking about this fireworks festival they have in the UK. Kevin told the four of us and Beth all about it - Carl wasn't there. And then it suddenly all kicks off the day after Laura shows up."

"Well," said Egon, "you're jumping to conclusions. I want you to get some evidence to substantiate that theory, Kylie."

"I'll try," said Kylie.

"It could be wrong," said Roland. "It could be… something else."

"Care to elaborate?" said Garrett.

"No," said Roland. "Egon, do you mind if I nip out for a bit? There's… a possibility I'd like to investigate."

"Are you going to tell us what that is?" asked Egon.

Roland looked uncomfortable. "I'd rather not."

"Well, yes, of course you can if you really want to," said Egon. "Kylie, before you start cross-examining this Laura person, I'd like you to do a little bit of research into your theory - and into the, um, Guy Fawkes incident. Garrett, you can help me study this firework. Eduardo… you've been quiet - are you all right?"

"I'm fine," said Eduardo. "How about if I go back to the school and see if I can find anything else there?"

"Oh, perfect - you can check that no one's been blown up," said Kylie, sounding relieved.

Egon nodded. "Good idea. All right, everybody - let's get to it."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"You're not _actually_ going to go and knock on the door, are you?" said Celine, staring at the house across the street.

"Watch me," said Wanda.

"But that's a stupid plan! He doesn't even _live_ there anymore!"

"So what? He dumps his daughters on that poor woman all the time - there must be _something_ in there that means _something_ to him."

"We already have the earring."

"We do _not_ have the earring. Oz has the earring, and he doesn't intend to give it to us."

"But he said - "

"How do you propose to change his mind?"

Celine sighed heavily. "What will you say to her?"

"She knew Bess," said Wanda. "I'll think of something."

"Don't you think maybe Oz is right about those kids?" Celine asked suddenly.

Wanda looked at her sharply. "They, and Kylie, will be better off without him."

"What are you going to do next?" Celine pressed. "After they aren't in his life anymore."

"I told you, I-… _we _are going to reduce him to a quivering wreck until he begs for death. I thought you wanted that too."

"I do. I want him to suffer - you know that."

"I will never understand," said Wanda, "what a beautiful, intelligent woman like Kylie is doing with that creep - not if I live to be a hundred."

At this, Celine breathed out heavily. "Jesus, Wanda, why does everything have to come back to Kylie? Are you sure it's not even a _little _about who he's married to?"

Wanda stared at her. "I… what?"

"This is _supposed_ to be about Bess."

"It _is_ about Bess!"

"Is it?"

"Celine, come on - you're not jealous, are you?"

"You talk about her _all_ the time."

"Oh, I do not. And anyway, I'm not her type - there's no point in hoping for anything."

"No," said Celine. "That's why you're making do with me instead."

"I, you, what - Celine, you're wasting time," said Wanda. "Are you coming into this house with me or not?"

"No. It's a completely stupid idea and nothing will come of it."

"I'll see you later, then."

With that Wanda turned and stalked towards the Riveras' nice family home. Once at the front door she raised her hand, knocked and waited. It was a matter of seconds before the door was opened by a woman Wanda presumed to be Carl Rivera's wife.

"Mrs. Rivera?" Wanda said timidly. "I'm sorry, you don't know me. My name's Wanda - I was a friend of Bess Napier's."

"Oh!" The woman's face became at once welcoming and compassionate. "Hi, come in. I'm so sorry about what happened to her - we all are. I hadn't seen her in a long time, of course, but I remember what a lovely woman she was. Sit down," and she took Wanda into the living room. "I'm so sorry about all this mess - I had my nieces here yesterday."

"I heard Eduardo had kids," said Wanda, as she stepped over the Barbie dolls strewn around the floor. "Bess told me. She ran into him last year."

"Did she really?" asked Beth. She sat down on the sofa, and motioned for Wanda to join her. "I didn't know that. Well anyway, what can I do for you, Wanda?"

"Look, if you're busy, I can come back later."

"Oh, I'm not busy. Did you just want to talk, or…?"

"Yeah, kinda," said Wanda, struck by how impossibly nice this woman was. "You're name's Beth, right?"

"That's right."

"I'm really sorry to barge in on you like this. It's just that I've never really got along with Bess's family, and I want to talk about her but there's just no one."

"It's healthy to talk about these things," Beth said gently. "Eduardo never does - I wish he would. When his father died we couldn't get a word out of him."

Wanda gave a mirthless laugh, which she quickly turned into a cough. "His father died too? Bess never mentioned that. He must think he's jinxed or something."

There was a brief silence. Beth probably didn't know what to say.

"How did he take the news about Bess?" asked Wanda.

"I'm not sure," said Beth. "He doesn't talk to me as much as he used to - not since he and Kylie got together. But I know he was devastated. He feels somewhat responsible, I think, with it supposedly being a demon that killed her."

"It _was_ a demon," said Wanda.

"Right. I never really know how to talk about that stuff - you just never can tell who believes it and who doesn't."

Wanda didn't answer. She was too angry now to speak. He felt _somewhat_ responsible. As understatements went, it was criminal. Wanda didn't know how much longer she could go on talking about Bess and still keep her temper, so she took a deep breath and looked around in search of a distraction. Skipper, lying on the floor by her left foot, caught her eye.

Wanda picked the doll up, holding her by a hard muck-coloured substance clinging to her once beautiful blond hair, and said, "What happened to _her_?"

"Oh," said Beth, "we got her second-hand. The girl who used to own her once left her next to a heater with some wax crayons."

Wanda wrinkled her nose. "Y'know, if someone had given _me_ a second-hand toy in this condition, I wouldn't have played with it."

"Conchita's very generous to mistreated toys," Beth smiled indulgently. "She takes such good care of these poor wretched old dolls. The same girl owned this one" - she leaned forward and picked up a naked, brown-haired doll that was lying nearby - "and by the time she came to us the elastic band in her waist that meant she could swivel her hips had completely snapped. Of course that _does_ mean she can be Glinda when they play Na-… when they play Wizard of Oz, because she can fly."

Wanda wrinkled her nose. "Can she?"

"She sure can," said Beth, turning the doll upside-down, which caused her to do the splits with her perfectly moulded backside in the air. Then, when Beth pushed one of the doll's feet with her finger, her waist and spread legs spun around like helicopter blades. Wanda couldn't help looking faintly shocked, if only because it was so unexpected.

"I know," said Beth, "it's obscene, but apparently it's how she gets around. Jessica showed Conchita that when she was tiny - she thought it was hilarious."

"Jessica?" queried Wanda.

"Sorry. Jessica Venkman - the girl they belonged to. She's the daughter of one of Eduardo's bosses."

On hearing this, Wanda's heart leapt. Beth _had_ to be talking about the person that Oz called "the Venkman girl". Grateful now to have gone off on this tangent, Wanda said, "That's not some kind of old-style Barbie, is it? I don't think I've seen her before."

"Well," said Beth, "she's from England - the UK's answer to Barbie. Jess _did_ tell me her name… Ah, I remember, it's Sindy. Jessica's half-brother has family in England, and this was something his stepmother gave to her. What the -?" She stopped suddenly as a loud whizzing noise sounded from upstairs, followed by a yell.

"Kevin?" Beth called out, rising to her feet. "What are you _doing_ up there?"

As Wanda looked out into the hallway, a boy in his late teens or early twenties appeared on the stairs with a panicked look in his eyes, and said in anguished tones, "Mom! Why the hell was there a lit Catherine wheel in the bathroom?"

"_What_?" cried Beth, making her way out to the hallway. "You can't be… are you ok?"

"Pretty much," said Kevin, but as he spoke he showed his mother his left hand, on which Wanda caught sight of what appeared to be a moderately severe burn.

"Oh, honey!" said Beth. "You have to run that under some cold water. Come on," and she began taking him back upstairs. "I'm sorry about this, Wanda - I'll be right back."

"Oh, don't worry, I'll go," said Wanda. "I've taken up enough of your time. Thank you for the talk, Beth - you have no idea how much it means to me."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland couldn't believe his luck when he found Celine at Bess' grave. He approached her, and coughed politely to get her attention.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" Celine demanded.

"Well," said Roland, "actually… I was hoping to see you."

Celine looked at him for some seconds. Then she said, "You're lucky I stopped by."

"I know. I wasn't expecting you to show up, really, but it was the only place I knew that you could possibly be. I went and knocked on the door of Wanda's apartment, but…"

"It's not Wanda's apartment anymore," Celine finished for him.

"Right."

There was a long, awkward pause.

"So did you want to see me or Wanda?" asked Celine.

"Um, either of you, really," said Roland. "See… oh, this is going to sound terrible."

"Go on."

"Well it's just… there's been some… you or, or Wanda wouldn't be after some kind of, of revenge or something, would you?"

Celine stared at him for a moment. Then she said levelly, "What makes you ask that?"

"It's just that somebody planted a firework in Eduardo and Kylie's bed last night, _and_ in their kids' school yesterday morning, and I - "

"You are _not_ telling me you think Wanda and I would do anything to hurt those little girls, never mind a whole school full of kids!"

Roland sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. It's just that you were here raising ghosts, and - "

"That was an accident."

"I know. I just… I thought I'd ask."

Celine didn't say anything. She just stared at her dead friend's name on the headstone, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I'm sorry," said Roland. "Grief can make people go absolutely insane. I'm not saying _you__'__re_ insane, but… I mean, two of my grandparents have died, and that was horrible, but we all expected it… it was their time to go… but when somebody young, or just somebody not particularly old, is suddenly just taken away like that… I can't imagine it. I don't understand - I know that."

Celine looked at him again. "Who says you don't?"

"Well, how can I?"

"I think you're a very understanding person."

Roland said nothing. He just stared at her.

"Wanda's taking it worse than I am," said Celine. "They were living together. I mean, God, Wanda actually _found_ her when she… I'd been away - I hadn't seen either of them for so many years. I'm devastated, but Wanda… if anyone's insane, she is. Maybe I should ask her about the whole… firework thing."

"Would she do something like that?" asked Roland.

Celine shook her head. "I don't know. I mean, fireworks… it doesn't make sense. And a _whole school_. We saw that on the news - it didn't seem to affect her one way or another. Look… I'll ask, but… I don't think it could have been her."

"Well thank you," said Roland. "That's really good of you."

"I understand why you thought of us," Celine went on. "That whole Surnunos thing was all about revenge, wasn't it? Well I'm not gonna pretend - I _like_ revenge. If someone hurts me or my friends, I want to see them suffer, I can't help it. You know what they say: revenge is sweet, and everything. It's so true."

"I'll bet it has a bitter aftertaste," said Roland.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I just _like_ doing horrible things to people."

"I'm sure that's not true. When you and Wanda had Surnunos helping you turn people into trees and stuff… that was all for Bess, wasn't it? They never did anything to _you_. You were looking out for your friend - that at least says _something_."

On hearing this, Celine let out a dry laugh and said, "Oh my God, you're so _nice_."

"I try to be."

"You shouldn't be nice to me." She was crying now, and obviously trying not to. "I do _not_ deserve it."

"Lots of people do stupid things in college," said Roland, and to both of their surprise he put his arm around her. "It was a long time ago - and whatever you did, you don't deserve to be feeling the way you are now."

Suddenly Roland was horribly aware of her body next to his. She wasn't moving away - she just stayed there in his one-armed embrace. She was almost as tall as he was, and heavily built, like him. She wasn't pretty, and didn't help herself with the purple lipstick, but that didn't stop her from being attractive. She probably knew she wasn't Hollywood or _Vogue_ material, but she didn't care. She wore tight-fitting clothes which accentuated a healthy amount of fat that she wasn't ashamed of. She most definitely had the body of a woman, and didn't mind showing it… and she was also grieving and vulnerable. Roland felt utterly depraved.

"Look, thanks," Celine said at length. "You shouldn't be doing this - I don't deserve it."

Roland swallowed a lump in his throat, and asked, "Doing what?"

"Comforting me." She pulled away from him, looked into his eyes and smiled. "I'd… better be going. Wanda's… never mind."

She turned and walked away, and though Roland didn't know it she was feeling - for the first time since she had turned twenty - confused.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo found Kylie poring over a book in the rec room.

"Find anything?" he asked.

"I found a whole bunch of names of the people involved with the Gunpowder Plot," said Kylie. "That's, like, its official name, _The Gunpowder Plot_ - I didn't know that. Kevin made it sound like Guy Fawkes was discovered about to light the fuse, didn't he? He wasn't - they found him with the gunpowder about a day before, and it wasn't just luck either - somebody tipped them off. Then Fawkes was tortured for days before he confessed and was finally burnt to death for treason - it's really interesting."

"I don't suppose there's any account of him haunting anybody and trying to kill them with Roman candles?"

Kylie shook her head. "Any luck at the school?"

"No. I asked Mr. Boxer if I could take the fireworks, but they're with the police."

"Right then." She slammed the book shut. "I want to talk to Laura."

"Well." Eduardo looked at his watch. "It's almost lunchtime. If I call now, I can just catch Beth before she leaves to collect Rose and tell her not to, and then we can get her and take her over there and talk to Laura."

"Good plan," Kylie approved. "Come on then, get calling - she'll be leaving soon."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

About forty minutes later, Eduardo was knocking on his brother's front door yet again. As anticipated, Beth answered and said pleasantly, "Hi, come in."

Rose wandered through to the living room and started heaving the Barbie box out from under the side table where it was kept - no mean feat, as the box was twice her size.

"Is Laura here?" asked Kylie.

"Probably," said Beth. "I haven't seen her since this morning, just after Kevin… oh, this is so weird, you won't believe it. He had an accident in the bathroom with a firework."

There was a brief silence. Then Kylie said, "I can believe that."

"Where's Kevin now?" asked Eduardo.

"He's upstairs again - I assume with Laura," said Beth. "It seems to me that he's planning on just, I don't know, _living_ with her up there forever. Do you want - "

"Glinda's gone," Rose said suddenly.

"What?" said Beth, looking down at her niece's furious little face. "She _can__'__t_ be gone - I had her this morning. I could have sworn I put them all away."

"She's gone," Rose was adamant.

"Well sweetie, don't panic - maybe I just put her in the wrong box or something."

Beth was about to start searching when Kevin appeared, looking as bleary-eyed as ever, and said, "Mom, did you see Laura leaving?"

"She's _gone_?" Kylie asked incredulously.

"_She_ took Glinda," said Rose.

"Honey, why would Laura want an old doll?" asked Beth.

"Glinda's missing?" said Kevin. "Oh no! How will you play Naked Wizard of Oz?" He sounded genuinely upset.

"We can't!" said Rose, sounding even more upset.

"Oh, honey." Kylie crouched down and wrapped her arms around her daughter. "Can't somebody else play Glinda?"

At this, Rose gave her mother the most withering look imaginable and said, "None of the others can fly."

"She's _got_ to be around here somewhere," said Beth. "Actually, though, come to think of it I haven't seen her since that Wanda person was here."

Eduardo started. "_What_?"

"Actually," said Kevin, "some of my clothes are missing too."

"Honey, you probably gave them to me to wash," said Beth.

Kevin shook his head. "No, I don't think so. It was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and a jacket that I sort of… left lying around in my room. And my sneakers have gone too."

"And Laura's gone?" Kylie asked again, still crouching and holding onto Rose.

"What Wanda person?" asked Eduardo.

"_One_ of them took Glinda!" said Rose.

"Oh… look, everybody just calm down," said Beth.

"Oh, yeah - and I'm missing a pillowcase too," said Kevin.

"You know what?" said Beth. "I'm just going to check if anything else is missing."

She left the room and started up the stairs.

"Do you think Laura took all this stuff?" Kylie said to Eduardo.

"I don't care," he said. "What was Wanda doing here?"

"Kylie," said Kevin, "why would Laura want a pillowcase, some of my clothes and an old doll with broken hips?"

"Well," said Kylie, "didn't you tell us that for this firework thing they sew old clothes together or something and burn them on a bonfire? Beth told us about the firework in the bathroom - it sounds like Laura's… I don't know…"

"Having another Bonfire Night at our expense?" said Kevin. "But that's ridiculous."

"What did she do with Glinda?" Rose demanded.

Kylie looked at her helplessly and said, "Sweetie, I don't know."

"Beth," said Eduardo, as Beth reappeared. "What was Wanda doing here?"

"What? Nothing - she just wanted to talk. Kevin." Beth turned to her son. "Don't you keep track of your socks? They're all missing."

Kevin blinked. "_All_ of them?"

"Yes. And your father's, and some of mine."

"But that doesn't make any sense!"

"WHY DID SHE TAKE GLINDA?"

"Rose, baby, calm down, it's not the end of the world."

"Beth, what did Wanda say to you?"

Suddenly the phone rang, taking them all by such surprise that they stopped talking. They all stood immobile for a moment, not quite realising what the sound was, and then Beth went to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Beth, this is Egon Spengler," came the reply. "Are Kylie and Eduardo there?"

"Yes, hold on." Beth returned to the living room, and said, "It's Egon. He wants to talk to one of you."

Kylie released her hold on her child, rose to her full height and went to pick up the waiting receiver out in the hallway.

"Hi, Egon," she said.

"Kylie, we've just had a call from Eduardo's brother at the police station," said Egon. "He's having a bit of trouble with a, um… well, he describes it as 'some punk kid's clothes all sewn together or something'. Oh, and Kevin's young lady friend is there too. Roland and Garrett are on their way to pick you up."

"Ah-ha," said Kylie. "Thanks for letting us know."

She hung up and returned to the living room, where Beth was saying irritably, "I can't really remember, Eduardo - she just wanted to talk about Bess."

"Well, Kevin, I think we've found your clothes," said Kylie. "Eduardo, the others are on their way to pick us up - I think we might _finally_ be about to get to the bottom of this whole fireworks shenanigan."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It looked as though the police station had been evacuated. A few dozen police officers were hanging around outside, and from somewhere among them emanated a voice magnified by a loudspeaker: "WE DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE. IF YOU COME OUT NOW AND SURRENDER YOUR WEAPON, WE CAN COME TO SOME KIND OF ARRANGEMENT."

The first person out of the Ecto-1 was, astonishingly, Kevin. On hearing that Laura was somehow involved with whatever was going on, he had insisted on going with the Ghostbusters, in spite of their protestations that there wouldn't be anything he could do.

"Where's Dad?" he said anxiously, looking at Eduardo as he too exited the car.

"Probably in the station with your clothes," Eduardo said soberly. "Come on - let's go ask somebody."

They both pushed their way through the crowd of police officers, Roland, Garrett and Kylie all following. Eduardo approached the uniformed man with the megaphone, and said, "What's going on here?"

"Oh, it's you," the officer said. "Some nutcase is holding Rivera and some girl hostage in there. He's got a firework."

"What kind of firework?" asked Roland.

"I don't know - a rocket or something."

"This guy," said Kylie. "I don't suppose he was made out of clothes and a pillowcase and stuffed with socks, was he?"

The officer looked dubious. "Well…"

"I see, sir. We'll take it from here."

Once they were in the virtually deserted building, it was easy for the four Ghostbusters - and Kevin - to follow the raised voices to a small interview room. Unsurprisingly, the door was locked. Roland managed to get through it with the barrel of his proton gun, revealing to all of them a scene that was horrendous to Kevin and pretty bizarre even to the four Ghostbusters.

Laura was cowering in a corner while Carl was sitting on a chair, not restrained by any means but clearly not eager to move. Their captor was, as Kylie had guessed, Kevin's clothes - all sewn together, presumably stuffed with socks, and topped with a pillowcase in which were cut two angry eyeholes and a wide, jagged mouth. The thing also had hands: a pair of limp latex gloves, which it must have found somewhere on the premises, one of which held onto a dangerous looking firework with a surprisingly strong grip.

On hearing the door break open, the thing looked up. It was able to contort its face, and did so, making itself look most displeased.

"I knew it," Kylie said smugly. "A Guy."

At this Carl winced, Laura started snivelling and the Guy, walking almost as well as a person whose insides did _not_ consist solely of socks, advanced upon Kylie with fury etched on his face.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" he wailed, in a male voice with an English accent.

"Why not?" Kylie asked reasonably.

"You three!" He looked from Kylie to Eduardo, and finally his eyes - such as they were - rested on Kevin. "_You__'__ve_ already had that disagreement with the Catherine wheel."

"Er, yeah," said Kevin.

"I don't suppose you know _why_ it's called a Catherine wheel, do you!"

"Um…"

"It's based on the means by which Saint Catherine was executed," Kylie cut in quickly. "He knows now. Look… perhaps we can talk about this."

"Perhaps we can," said the Guy. "Come in, all of you. You two." He looked at Roland and Garrett. "Do you know the story behind Bonfire Night?"

"What's Bonfire Night?" asked Garrett.

"Well, come in anyway," said the Guy, in amiable tones. "You can hear what I have to say, and then you can tell _everyone_ you know, and I won't have to perpetuate any more… _accidents_. Come on - we haven't got all day."

"I don't think we should go in there with you," said Roland.

"Oh, all right," said the Guy. "But you're not to leave the building - understand? Now drop your weapons, Ghostbusters, if you please, or the girl and this policeman fellow here both die," and he held up his firework.

"Do it," Roland said quietly, and they did.

"All right," said Kylie, once she'd surrendered her ghost trap. "Now what's this about?"

"And what have you been doing with Laura?" added Kevin.

"Well," said the Guy, turning to look at Laura, "this girl has done me a great disservice. For centuries now, the legend of Guy Fawkes has been _pretty much_ confined to England. And Scotland, I suppose. And Wales - though what _they_ have to do with it… And then what happens? She sends all of those half-truths and fabrications over here!"

"Half-truths and fabrications?" queried Kevin.

"That's right. You just _assumed_ she knew what she was talking about, didn't you?"

"I… yes."

"Never assume anything," said the Guy.

"So what did you do?" asked Kylie. "Bring Laura over here so that she could plant fireworks in the paths of all the people Kevin told?"

"Astute observation, my dear," said the Guy. "You thought she and this boy were _upstairs_ for all that time, didn't you? Kevin." He looked at Kevin. "Slept well lately?"

"Did you drug him or something?" Carl demanded suddenly.

"It's so much easier to do this kind of thing in England," the Guy went on. "_Everyone__'__s _having their parties and falling into their own bonfires and blowing each other up - I have plenty to work with. But of course, you _Americans_ don't have fireworks in November, do you? If I wanted to kill and injure you all with fireworks I had to wait until the summer! Unless I sent someone over here with a nice big box of cut-price fireworks you always get in the couple of days before Bonfire Night. All she'd have to do would be to plant them, and I could get them going at the right time. So I picked this girl here, because - "

"Because she started the whole thing, we get it," Eduardo said irritably. "Dude, _why_?"

"You could have killed my son," said Garrett. "He doesn't know anything _about_ this Guy Fawkes Night of yours."

"BONFIRE NIGHT!" Suddenly, the Guy was waving his limp arms and screaming shrilly. "IF YOU WANT TO LIVE YOU WILL CALL IT BONFIRE NIGHT!"

"All right, sorry, jeez," said Garrett.

"Why did you possess my clothes?" asked Kevin.

"Because it wasn't working," the Guy said irritably. "She planted the fireworks, I set them off, and it just… wasn't working. I don't suppose it's her fault, really, but it's very frustrating when you can't actually _do_ anything about it. So I had to become corporeal myself. And apparently," he looked down at himself, "this is the best I can do, provided I have someone to put it together for me."

"So what happens after you finish with us?" asked Eduardo. "Are you going back to Beth, or the school, or what?"

"Certainly I shall," the Guy said pleasantly.

"Probably the only two kids in that school who know anything about it are my daughters," said Kylie. "And they don't deserve to be punished any more than the others."

"Oh, you _would_ say that, being so ignorant," the Guy said.

"Ignorant of what?" Roland asked gently. "Why don't you tell us?"

"I'm getting to that," said the Guy. "You will all be dealt with in good time. But I was going to start with this girl. Now then." He turned, and walked awkwardly across the room to where Laura was sitting on the floor. "Do you know who I am?"

"I… no!" sobbed Laura.

While their captive's back was turned, all four of the Ghostbusters immediately started going for their proton guns, but had barely moved an inch when the Guy turned round and glared at them.

"Come in," he said. "Shut the door and leave those things out there."

"I don't think so," said Roland, and went for his gun again. At this the Guy's firework suddenly lit up, and he held it dangerously close to Laura's face, making her scream loudly. (Kylie privately thought this girl was rather perpetuating stereotypes of female feebleness, but didn't bother saying so.)

"All right, all right, we're coming in," said Roland, ushering Kevin and his three fellow Ghostbusters all inside.

"Right," said the Guy, and the fuse on his firework went out as though of its own accord. "Now then, Laura. I am the leader of the Gunpowder Plot."

"Oh… right," snivelled Laura.

"What's my name?"

Laura remained silent.

"Anyone?" The Guy swept his malevolent gaze over the gathering in the room. "Does anybody know the name of the leader of the Gunpowder Plot?"

Nobody spoke. They were all horribly tempted to say Guy Fawkes, but something told them that was the wrong answer. And then suddenly Kylie changed her mind, and said before she could stop herself, "No, wait, I know - I read about it this morning."

"Well?" asked the Guy, his slit mouth and eyes looking to cheer up a bit.

"Oh God," said Kylie. "It's, um… Robert something."

"Robert _Something_?" Once again his pillowcase face was contorted with rage. "That's the most _anybody_ knows! Robert _Something_!"

Then suddenly he had crossed the room and had his latex hands on Kylie's hair, dragging her to the floor. She cried out in pain, fear and surprise as she was pushed to the floor and the firework, once again lit, lowered towards her face. She sensed someone making a move towards them, but whoever it was - she guessed, correctly, Eduardo - was stopped and Roland said, "He's got a lit firework!"

"One more chance," Robert Something said menacingly. "What's my name?"

"Catesby!" yelled Kylie. "Robert Catesby - now get off me!"

The fuse on the firework extinguished itself again. Robert Catesby stared at her in surprise and indecision, and then released his hold on her hair. Kylie scrambled to her feet, and felt Eduardo pulling her into his arms.

"What's my name?" he asked levelly.

"Robert Catesby," everyone said at once.

"People read about me and hear about me all the time," Catesby said musingly. "But they soon forget. The very next day, all they remember is Robert Something."

"Yeah, well - maybe if you had the gall to light your own explosives," said Eduardo.

He instantly regretted it. The pillowcase face turned towards him, the eyeholes narrowed, and Catesby said, "No… this time I think I'll have to make the lesson stick," and once again the firework was lit. By now the fuse was getting dangerously short.

"Don't worry, you won't die," Catesby said cheerfully. "You'll just be in hospital with a few disfiguring burns. Then I won't need to do anything to your daughters, will I?" He looked at Kylie. "You won't let them forget my name, will you? Oh, by the way." He whipped round and looked at Laura. "_What__'__s_ my name?"

"R-Robert… Robert…"

Whether she was just panicking or had genuinely forgotten in the past minute, no one ever knew. It was at this point that Carl took control of the situation - or at least, he attempted to. He leapt onto Catesby's back, his great weight instantly flooring the bundle of clothes, knocking the firework out of his latex hand. It landed right by Laura, who was suddenly being pulled up by Kevin and dragged forcibly across the room. The confusion ended with the four Ghostbusters, Carl, Kevin and Laura all huddled together in a corner, hands behind their heads and faces inward, when the firework finally detonated.

Of course there were some whizzes and bangs and pops, and a lot of coloured sparks flying around… and then silence. Garrett and Carl happened to be the most exposed, and suffered a few minor burns to their hands, but didn't bother saying anything - it could have been a lot worse. When it was over they all waited for a few moments, and then gradually started straightening up.

"Is… everyone ok?" Garrett asked tentatively.

"_He__'__s_ not," said Kevin, nodding to where the Guy that Catesby had been possessing was rapidly burning in the far corner of the room. "Damn it - I really liked those jeans."

"Is that it?" asked Laura. "Is it over?"

"I doubt it," said Roland, flinging open the door of the room and picking up his proton gun. "Catesby? Where are you? Come on - we can talk about this."

"Laura, are you ok?" asked Kevin, as the other three Ghostbusters went to retrieve their own equipment and follow Roland.

Laura blinked at him a few times. "I'm fine, thank you, um…"

"Kevin."

"Right. Look, can I… go now? I need to go home."

"_Home_?" said Kevin. "But what about…?"

"I was enslaved by a vengeful ghost," said Laura. "I'm sorry, I just… it's not going to work. I'm in my final year at university - I have to go back."

"So go on then," said Carl. "Oh, but before you do - how did you get those fireworks here from England? You wouldn't have been allowed to fly them over, surely."

"I'm afraid I don't know," said Laura. "It must have been something to do with, um…"

"Catesby," Kevin said quickly. "Robert Catesby."

"Yeah," said Laura. "Well… bye," and she sloped off, leaving Kevin looking and feeling extremely dejected.

"Kevin, come on, you hardly knew her," said Carl. "You'll meet someone else. Maybe if you, I don't know, got a job or something…"

"You know what?" said Kevin. "I think I'll go start looking for one of those right now."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I guess he's in here, then," said Garrett, his PKE meter buzzing as he pushed open the door to the cafeteria. Several lunches had been abandoned on the tables - the police officers on duty had obviously all left in a hurry. "Catesby? …Rob? Come on, Roland's right - we can talk about this."

"You don't want to talk." Catesby's voice, to everyone's surprise, filled the room. "You want to trap me in that thing Kylie has on her back."

"You seem to know a lot about us," remarked Kylie.

"Of course I do. I'm a ghost - it's useful for me to know these things."

"Look," said Roland. "I understand how you feel, but - "

"No you don't!" cried Catesby. "I suffered too! I was tortured and killed for my treason, but the only one anybody ever remembers is Guy Bloody Fawkes!"

"What about the others?" asked Kylie. "There were at least a dozen people involved - I read all about it. Why don't _they_ do what you do?"

"Hey, maybe they do," Garrett said quietly.

"They don't," said Catesby. "_I _was the leader. _I _devised the plot. That I have been forgotten is a terrible injustice. Do you know the rhyme?"

The four Ghostbusters all looked at each other vaguely. Then Roland said, "Rhyme?"

" 'Remember, remember,'" began Catesby, " 'the fifth of November; Gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.' They make children say it at school every October and November, and then they give them black paper and coloured chalks and make them create firework and bonfire pictures. And then what do they do? They make them draw pictures of _Guy Fawkes_! So the children sit there drawing his stupid hat and his stupid beard, and they all discuss which of their dad's shirts they want to use on their Guy! But nobody ever makes a Robert!"

"Y'know, this is really petty," said Kylie, really wishing - as did the others - that she could see him and just blast him. "You should move on from your past, Robert."

"Move on," the voice said bitterly. "And what do you think is waiting for me in the next life, Ms. Griffin? I'm a traitor. That is why I died. I am going to Hell!"

"Are you sure about that?" asked Eduardo, dredging up whatever vague memory he had of his supposed Catholic background. "Aren't you forgetting why you did it? Wasn't it all for the good of the Catholic faith?"

"Well," said Catesby, "yes. But think of all I've done since. People are extraordinarily stupid, you know. About ten years ago, a group of teenagers made a bonfire and took turns jumping over the top of it. One of them probably would have fallen in if I hadn't been there, but I thought I might as well. He died, you know."

"Ouch," said Garrett.

"And anyway, I don't see why I _should_ move on and forgive Guy."

"But it's not _his_ fault," said Kylie.

"No-o…" Catesby conceded. "No, it's the fault of all the ignorant people who don't bother finding out the truth behind _my_ plot. They deserve to be punished."

"You're an idiot," said Eduardo. "Giving a bunch of kids third degree burns doesn't teach them anything. They _still_ don't know who you were."

"Well… yes, I suppose that's true," said Catesby.

"Look," said Roland, catching something in the ghost's voice that made him think there might be some hope here after all. "You told us about how you suffered. You were a Catholic man. Granted, you tried to kill the king and a whole bunch of people with gunpowder, but… well, I think that essentially, you were a good man. And yet you make others suffer as you did. How is that helping anyone?"

"But look at _us_ now," Kylie jumped in. "We are _always_ going to remember the name Robert Catesby - and not just because you threatened us with fireworks and tried to burn our children in their school. You could do so much more by trying to _educate_ people, instead of just making them suffer."

"Some people think revenge is sweet," said Roland, his stomach lurching slightly as he thought of another heart-to-heart he'd had that day. "But you've been wreaking your revenge for centuries now, and still practically no one knows your name. But if you could just remind them…"

"Well, yes, I suppose you're right," said Catesby. "But how can I? I'm a ghost - I can't exactly tour the country doing school visits."

"Make a website," Garrett said helpfully.

"Well," said Catesby. "I'll think about it. But I'm not making any promises."

There was silence, and the excitement of the PKE meters began to subside.

"Oh, great," Garrett said disapprovingly. "He's _gone_."

"Well _I _think we talked him round," said Roland.

"Maybe," Kylie said dubiously.

"Yeah, well - people are always gonna act like idiots around fireworks whether he's helping them or not," said Eduardo.

Kylie shook her head incredulously. "That was so weird. We've never _reasoned_ with a ghost before."

"And probably never will again," said Roland.

"Hey," Eduardo said suddenly, and looked at Kylie. "We found Kevin's clothes and the socks and everything, but what the hell happened to that doll?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Wanda got home that evening, she found Celine sitting on the edge of their bed and staring down at her hands.

"Hi," Wanda said timidly.

Celine looked up. "Hey. Did you get what you wanted?"

"Sort of. Do you know where Oz is?"

Celine shook her head.

"Look," said Wanda. "I'm sorry about…"

"Aw, hey, forget it - I'm sorry too," said Celine, rising to her feet. "I went off at you for thinking I had the hots for one of the Ghostbusters, and then I went and did the same thing and… y'know."

"I guess we both need to be less paranoid," said Wanda, smiling tenderly at her. "You and me - we're solid, right?"

Celine smiled back, perhaps a little weakly. "Right."

Each of the two women then took a step towards the other. They embraced tightly, and went into a kiss that broke only when Celine felt a long, hard object in Wanda's coat pocket brushing against her thigh.

"Hey," she said, pulling back and looking quizzically at her lover. "Is that a wrench in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"Oh, well," said Wanda. "That's just - oh!" Cutting herself off as she heard the front door click open, she turned and hurried out of the room.

Celine remained where she was, straining her ears to hear what was going on downstairs between Wanda and Oz. She heard their voices, but no words. Then very soon Wanda reappeared, now without any long objects in her pockets and with her fist clenched.

"He gave it to me," she said, grinning triumphantly and holding her hand, which she opened to reveal Eduardo's earring in her palm.

"In exchange for what you had in your pocket?" asked Celine. "What was it?"

"Something that was once given to the, um, 'Venkman girl'."

"Ah." Celine took the ring, held it between her forefinger and thumb and squinted at it. "Gifts are useful things to us witches and warlocks, aren't they? Remember we used that pendant of Bess's yesterday."

"Yeah," said Wanda. "It didn't work, though."

"Yeah, well, I _know_ we can do something with this. People have been inflicting revenge on each other for centuries - it is _so_ much easier than raising the dead."

"I wonder if that earring was a gift."

"Maybe we can find out."

"Oz could probably tell us just by wiggling his fingers over it or something," Wanda said bitterly. "Y'know, he's the age we were when we _first_ started screwing everything up for ourselves."

"I know," said Celine. "He ain't all that, though - he just got lucky somewhere along the line. Look, come on, forget him. We've got _this_ little baby now - we can start inflicting the sweetest, blackest revenge we ever wanted."

"I sure hope so," said Wanda. "Revenge really _is_ the sweetest thing, isn't it?"

"Oh," said Celine, "I don't know about _that_," and she resumed their kiss, pushing the confusing feelings inflicted upon her that very morning to the back of her mind.

THE END


End file.
